well hello there

every morning walking into work i pass by a priest in the skyway and from past conversations he knows im an atheist. this morning he said "good morning son of the devil" i didnt break stride but smiled and said "good morning father"

he didnt get it.

fuck everybody

im so incredibly sickened by stories like this. i dont know whats wrong with people. situations like this and the one in darfur somehow seem to end up as "liberal" causes. i dont understand how we can go to war in iraq but intervening in something like these horrible atrocities isnt somehow justified? im guessing because its just a bunch of poor black folk in the congo being victimized its ok. also theyre just lowly women. oh yeah and their petroleum reserves that fuel its economy are running out so they are getting poorer an poorer but they really only keep the money in africa anyway so they arent much help to us. but since george bush has his good ol boys the christian right fucking everything up and spreading hate and misinformation and fucked up morals like birth control is evil, 5% of the population in the congo are dying of aids. so maybe thats the answer. maybe dubya is thinking it will work itself out when theres no one left. its the christian thing to do.... keep a simple piece of latex from people that has the ability to save their lives so they can die a horrible death. but fuckem because christ suffered too right? and people think religion isnt a disease.

amen

jokes so good youd think i made them all up myself.



A father is in church with three of his young children, including his five year old daughter. As was customary, he sat in the very front row so that the children could properly witness the service.

During this particular service, the minister was performing the baptism of a tiny infant. The little five year old girl was taken by this, observing that he was saying something and pouring water over the infant's head.

With a quizzical look on her face, the little girl turned to her father and asked: "Daddy, why is he brainwashing that baby?"

********************

A bus full of nuns plummets off a cliff. They all die. The nuns are admitted to Heaven through a special gate and are expected to make one last confession before they become angels. Several nuns are lined up at this gate waiting to be absolved of their last sins before they are made holy.

"And so," says St. Peter, "have you ever had any contact with a penis?"

"Well," says the first Nun in line, "I did once just touch the tip of one with the tip of my finger."

"OK" says St. Peter, "Dip your finger in the holy water and pass on into heaven."

The next Nun admits that "Well, yes, I did once get carried away and I, you know, sort of massaged one a bit."

"OK" says St. Peter, "Rinse your hand in the holy water and pass on into heaven."

Suddenly there is some jostling in the line and one of the nuns is trying to cut in front.
"Well, now, what's going on here?" says St. Peter.

"Well, your holiness," says the Nun who is trying to improve her position in line, "If I'm going to have to gargle that stuff, I want to do it before Sister Mary sticks her ass in it!"

******************************

One day, a preacher was walking along the street and he comes across a boy with a box filled with newly born kittens.

"Boy, what kind of kittens do you have there?" The preacher asked the young boy.
"They're christian kittens, sir" the boy replied. So the preacher, nods, smiles and walks along. Two weeks later he comes across the same boy and asks "How are those christian kittens doing?" The boy smiles at him, looks up and says "Oh, they're not christian kittens anymore"

The preacher, shocked by this exclaims "What... why not?!?" The boy continues to smile and looks at him, "Well, ya see, now they're eyes are open and they're atheists."

simpleminded simpletons are a growing pain in my ass

recently ive become aware of a couple of douchebags who have a group called the way of the master ministries. its run by two simpletons.... ray comfort(the dumbass from the banana video shown in a previous post) and washed up teen heart-throb kirk cameron (you know mike sever from growing pains). they are all about preaching to victims they find on the streets of california and theyve even got some sort of tv show and dvds theyve produced. their main focus seems to be getting people to admit to being a terrible person who routinely breaks the ten commandments(insert sarcastic shudder here). the way they go about this is to try to trick the person into demonizing themselves by asking a series of yes or no questions that go something like this: one of them will begin by asking...

"do you consider yourself to be a good person?"
the person always seems to say "yes"

he then says "well lets see... have you ever told a lie?"
the reply is always yes so he responds "that makes you a liar."

then he asks "have you ever stolen anyting?"
the answer is usually yes so he calles them a theif.

the third question is "have you ever lusted after someone in your heart?"
of course the answer is also yes so he calls them an adulturer.

finally he asks if they have ever used gods name in vain or as a curse word.
goddamn right most people have. but they just say yeah.

he concludes by puffing up his chest and saying " you see by your own admission you are a lying, theiving, blaspheming, adulterer! you have sinned before god!! bla bla bla!

now this sort of simple minded questioning is astoundingly craptacular. i imagine that when they came up with this lame ass query they sat hunched while tapping the tips of thier fingers together and hissing "eeexxxcccceeelent" as if they were mr. burns. it should be obvious to even those at the bottom of the i.q. bucket that just because you did someting or were someting at one point in time doesnt mean that is who or what you are now. to exemplify this lets see how great a person you are by answering yes or no to my questions. if you happen to meet ray or kirk please pass along my test or have them contact me so i can ask them. or just shove a crap covered stick up their noses.

have you ever been depressed or felt little down?
(havent we all)

have you ever been sick and taken medication?
(hard to say no to this one)

before being potty trained did you wear diapers?
(uuhhhh yeah)

have you always been the age you are now or in the past were you a baby?
(god damn right you were)

have you ever eaten anything?
(amen!!)


so by your own admission you are a mentally ill, drug using, diaper wearing, baby eater!!! you sick fuck youre going straight to hell!!!

my heroes have neat quotes

im currently at work being paid to be bored out of my skull... so i thought id put up a post about one of my heroes...steven weinberg. he kicks ass. in 1979 he won a nobel prize for his work in physics for combining electromagnetism and the weak force into the electroweak force. and he is an atheist.

so i thought i would put up a couple of quotes from him.

"I hope this long sad story, fueled by the progression of priests, ministers and rabbis will come to an end. If science can contribute to this end, it will be the most important contribution we can make, that we see no more of priests, ministers and rabbis. Religion is complete nonsense and terribly damaging to human civilization."

"Religion is an insult to human dignity. With or without it you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion."